Morning Lesson

It was almost six-thirty this morning when I climbed out of my car, tossed my keys in my purse as I flung it over my shoulder, picked up my tote out of the back seat, and reached in to grab my coffee cup before closing the car door. It was still dark and the morning air was cool, but the light sweater I wore was more than enough to keep me warm.


The short walk from my car to the office building where I spend so much of my day is a pleasant one. The campus where the office is located is surrounded by trees and green space; there is a large pond next to the office where geese make their home and the building itself is covered with ivy. I appreciate the serenity of the quiet walk every morning yet I still find myself walking quickly, my mind already on the day ahead of me.

This morning as I drew near to the office door and got ready to loop the handles of my tote bag over my arm so I could transfer my coffee to that hand allowing me to reach for the security badge attached to a lanyard around my neck, I heard a voice from behind me.

“I’ll get that door for you; you’ve got your hands full.”

I turned and saw a young man walking about twenty feet behind me; another early-riser who starts work before many others have even gotten out of bed. My first instinct was to brush off his offer of assistance.

“It’s okay, I’ve got it.” I had to choke back the words before they escaped from my mouth when I realized how rude it would have been for me to ignore is gesture.

I have done this throughout much of my life - refused assistance and insisted on my own self-reliance. It struck me for the first time this morning, how the independent demeanor I portray might be perceived as impolite and how many times I miss interacting with someone, however briefly, when I insist on relying on my on ability.

This morning I did something different.

“Thank you!” I smiled at the young man and then stepped aside and allowed him to use his security badge to unlock the door and pull it open for me.

I walked through the door, wished him a good day, and we both went our separate ways. To an onlooker it would have seemed like nothing, but in that moment I made a conscious decision to do something different, I deviated from the well-worn path I was used to taking, and allowed myself to act upon a prompting from within.

I believe that it is often in the small, seemingly insignificant, moments like this when God speaks to us, when we can feel the hand of God resting upon us, when we can learn the lessons He would have us learn.

It was a good way to start this day.

Miracle Baby

I caught a glimpse of the story yesterday as I was taking my daily walk around the perimeter of my office building. We have flat screen TV's posted in strategic places that play non-stop news and provide company information. Yesterday, I was drawn to a picture of a young woman cuddling what looked like a new born infant and I had to stop and see what the story was about.

From what I could glean in the few moments I stood there, the baby had been born premature, pronounced dead by the doctors, and then held lovingly by the mother for two hours, presumably as she grieved and attempted to say goodbye to her child.

Then the child began to move. Some are calling it a miracle.

I was thinking how interesting it would be to catch up with this miracle-child in a few years to find out how his life turns out. Surely, this child is born to accomplish something wonderful!

Then I thought about my own life; all of our lives really. The story of my birth, the story of your birth, they all have snippets of the miraculous. Our lives are meant for greatness too.

Sometimes, I have faltered and greatness of any kind is the last thing I ever thought I would accomplish in my life. Othertimes, I have caught a glimpse of a miracle in the birth of my children and my granddaughter.

Truly, I believe we are all miracles destined to do great things and those great things are as unique as wel are. We may be destined to make music, to write, to speak, to travel. Maybe our destiny has smaller parameters tha involve making a home for our family.

Or perhaps like Baby Jamie's mom, our destiny is to cuddle a premature baby back to life.

I am still fascinated to see how the life of this precious baby turns out in the years to come; just as I am looking forward to seeing what twists and turns yours and mine make in the future.

Because we are alll miracle babies at some level.

Website Makeover

I created a website for myself earlier this year using tools available on the hosting service. They were basic and very limited and I have never really been happy with the look but, not knowing how to build my own, I accepted the limitations.

Since then I have educated myself a bit and taken inspiration from what others have done. This weekend Gerry was busy much of the time and I found myself with the time I needed to start a on website makeover!

I'm just a baby in website development but I've set a goal for myself to be come web-savvy. In a previous life I was an IT Consultant (or Computer Programmer) so I should be able to do this. I've decided to use my website as my canvas with which to unleash my website creativity and skils.

If you've a mind, pop over to lindahoye.com and tell me what you think! I hope you'll visit periodically as I hope to update it monthly to show what I'm learning!

P.S.  Don't tell my husband about this new project. He already thinks I tend to overextend myself.  Mum's the word, now!

Gliding

We have had some extraordinary spring storms this year and there was a wind storm the other day that resulted in trees coming down and power outages all over the area.  We lost electricity at work and, as these days it is difficult to function without computers, the office was all but closed down. 

The drive home required my full attention as I navigated through the traffic; it moved slowly because of heavy rainfall and standing water on the road.  I felt the force of wind resistance on my vehicle and gripped the steering wheel with both hands as leaves, twigs and debris flew by.

Then, just for a moment, I happened to look up.

There in the sky above me were two birds, their wings spread wide, gliding on a wind current.  I watched their bodies dip down, then rise, turn one way then the other, all without any effort on their partl.  I wondered if they were calling out to each other: This is great! Isn't this fun? We've been waiting for a day like this!

And I thought how it would be if, when storms come into my life, I could let go and allow myself to be carried by the wind.  I know there is Someone looking out for me, that all will turn out in the way it is meant to in the end. But sometimes I forget I don't need to flap my wings and try to get through it on my own; I forget that to try to navigate on my own power will only wear me out.

So in the midst of a stormy afternoon I heard a still, small voice whisper to me.  Rest easy..

Manderley - Part 1

I feel at home when we arrive at Manderley.  Armed with a rough description of where the land is, and our memories of our last visit, Gerry and I set out to see if we can find it again.  We want some time to walk the land alone before we call the realtor.

The last time we were there the land was covered in snow and it was dead quiet.  This time, the snow is all gone and we are delighted to find that there is a marsh behind the garden area. 

The marsh and the trees nearby are alive with the sounds of birds, frogs, and ducks.  The quiet of the winter is a distant memory but the sounds of nature equally feed a part of my soul that has been hungering for something more than city life. 

The garden still bears subtle evidence of last year's harvest.  It waits -the promise of spring planting and a new bounty of produce ahead.

The weathered outbuildings still stand proud and speak of past generations; past years of toil on this land we are calling Manderley.  There is history here; we look forward to meeting the older couple who have retired from farming this land and moved into town.

I look out across the prairie to the trees that mark the edge of the property and I am reminded once again of something Gerry had said.  This is not property we are considering purchasing; this is land.  And more, for us it is a lifestyle.

The pace of city life has lost it's charm for me; things that once seemed to define success no longer seem important.  I am restless and feel a call toward home. 

The night before, I underlined a passage in a book by Sharon Butala called The Perfection of the Morning.  The book is a memoir of her own return to the Saskatchewan prairie.  "What I could remember about that natural world from which our family had been separated by so little was a combination of smells, the feel of the air, a sense of the presence of Nature as a living entity all around me.  All of that had been deeply imprinted in me, but more in the blood and bone and muscles - an instinctive memory - than a precise memory of events or people.  I remembered it with my body, or maybe I remembered it with another sense for which we have no name but is no less real for that."  (highlight mine).

Having walked the property we return to our vehicle.  I stand for a moment before climbing into the passenger seat and breathe deeply, feeding my soul. 

We set off across the dusty road toward town.

Lessons From the Road

I enjoy road trips with my husband.  It is a great opportunity to enjoy good conversation, good music, and good singing.  Well, perhaps good singing might be a stretch, but we sure enjoy belting out some of our favorites!  A road trip is also an opportunity to be still and contemplate. I found myself looking at some things we saw on this trip in a new light.

I took this picture while we were driving over a mountain pass where avalanche is not uncommon.  There is a kind of wire mesh netting hanging down over the rock-face along this stretch of the road that is intended to stop rock from falling onto the highway.

Wouldn't it be nice to have protection like this against avalanche in our own lives? Avalanches like a late night phone call bringing bad news or a call from a doctor's office asking you to come in to discuss recent test results. Just something to soften the sudden blows that hit us head-on sometimes.

Instead, we go through these things the best way we can at the time using personal strength that we didn't know we posessed.  We struggle, we cry, we despair, but ultimately, if we allow the trials to teach us things, we find that we come through them stronger and wiser than we were before.

Robert Frost wrote that "the best way out is always through".  There is no short cut to navigating our way through grief or depression; we must allow ourselves to give in to the experience, however painful it may be, in order to make it through to the other side.  Without this "giving in" and "going through" we find ourselves stuck in the darkness.  This stretch of mountain pass highway, cut right through a piece of mountain, reminds me of Frost's words. 

Every time I go over this piece of road that goes through the rocky mountain, I take something away.  The last time it had to do with determination and this time it reminds me of the need to let go of some things.

I wonder if the men and women who labored so hard to build this road had any idea that there were creating something that would be a source of inspiration to someone. 

Leisure

I was going through some old papers this morning and found an old notebook that I used to use to copy down favorite quotes that I stumbled upon.  About thirty-five years ago there was something in this poem written by W. H. Davies that touched me enough that I felt compelled to write it out. It speaks to me today even more than it did back then. 

Leisure

What is this life if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare? --

No time to stand beneath the boughs,
And stare as long as sheep and cows:

No time to see, when woods we pass,
Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass:

No time to see, in broad daylight,
Streams full of stars, like skies at night:

No time to turn at Beauty's glance,
Adn watch her feet, how they can dance:

No time to wait till her mouth can
Enrich that smile her eyes began?

A poor life this if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.

Is there anything in this verse that inspires you as well?

Dreams, Goals, Detours

Thirty-four years ago I finished high school with no clear direction of where I wanted to go in my life.  My dream was to be a writer but I had received no encouragement in pursuing a career in that direction.  In fact, just the opposite, I was told that "you can't make a living as a writer", and so I set that dream aside and entered my adult-hood witout a clear goal for my life.

Not surprisingly I followed paths that were not the best.  I found myself on a detour that deviated so far from my true path that at times I lost sight of what that true path was, let alone how to get back on it.

I will turn fifty-one in a few weeks and I can say without a doubt that I am back on the road that I should be on.  My progress is somewhat behind where it could be at this stage in my life due to the detours, but I don't mourn these delays.  The twists and turns of the detour worked together to help form the strength of character that I have today. 

Why do I share this with you? I want to encourage you to take a hold of the dreams and goals that you have, right now.  Whether you are seventeen, thirty, forty, or fifty-one, take ownership of your dreams and goals and don't wait for someone to hold your hand and show you the way. 

Spend time with yourself and determine what your life would look like if it were all up to you.  Pray about those dreams and goals, and then step forward!  Don't let anyone else discourage you; God put those dreams within you for a reason.  If you have a dream it's very likely that you have a special in that area.  Spend time honing those skills that you need to achieve your goals and don't lose sight of that vision that you have of who you want to be.

Are there things that you set aside in the past because life just got in the way? Are they things that you loved and found great satisfaction in at one time? I'll bet you'll find that if you pick them up again they will provide the same, perhaps more, satisfaction in your soul that they did at one time. These things just might be the ticket to helping you achieve success in a manner that you could not have imagined.

People Watching

One of the things that I enjoy about traveling is the opportunity to observe people.  I like to imagine what their story is and why they are traveling.

That older woman there with hair the color of peppermints carrying the beautiful Vera Bradley bag? She is a recent widow on her way to visit her daughter and son-in-law and grandchildren.  That beautiful bag contains hard candy and her current knitting project. She's feeling somewhat lost in this huge airport as well as in the life she is forced to build for herself now.

Do you see that other slender woman sitting by herself over there?  She's got her laptop out and she's deep in thought as she taps the keys.  She's a writer on her way to a destination she has never been before to do research for her latest book.  Now and then she looks up from her laptop and out into a space that we cannot see as her imagination takes her far away from the hard plastic chair she is sitting on.

See that young girl with hopeful eyes and chestnut hair pulled back?  She has a book and a highlighter on her lap; she is fiddling with her iPod right now.  She's on her way back to university after enjoying a Christmas break at home with family. There is a young man she's looking forward to seeing back at school, and she wonders if she'll find the nerve to try and get to know him better this semester.

I could go on but the point is that everyone has a story, and in thinking about the stories of others we can find inspiration for our own stories. And maybe, if we're fortunate, a measure of compassion for those other weary travelers.

Disciplines

One of the things about the beginning of a new year is the opportunity to take a fresh look at my personal goals and priorities. I can do without the hype of New Year's Eve, or the traditional weight loss focus that January brings, and most certainly the list of resolutions that seem to spring forth on the first day of the year.

For me it's more about taking stock of where I am spending my time and attention, and taking stock of whether or not what I say my priorities are lines up with where I focus my time and effort and this year.

It's not acceptable to say that I'm too busy to spend time on the things that I feel are the gifts that God has given me. Rather, I need to get eliminate the chaff that steals my time and attention and takes away from time that I should be honing my skills. I am not the best writer in the world, I am not even in the top one thousand, but I do have some skill and interest in that area. This year, more than ever, I am putting writing at the top of my list of things to focus on. I am going to be deliberate about carving time out of my days and weeks to hone my craft, and to work on writing projects.

I'm also going to try and focus more of my attention outward; this will be a challenge given that I'm by nature an introvert who is very comfortable with solitude. My focus outward may not look like what the next person's would but it will be suited for my unique personality and character. I tutor a little girl in reading once a week; it's satisfying to see the growth in her and to get to know her more each week. There's something more there that I can do, something for me to think about. There are other areas that I am involved with on the fringe that I will be praying about to find out if I need to step up my involvement.

I also want to spend more time with friends and family. Sometimes I cringe at the thought of socializing and would much rather stay home with a good book, but I'm most often glad that I put forth the effort when all is said and done. I will do more of that this year.

Finally, included with my list of goals and priorities will be something about not over-extending myself. I will take time to just "be Linda". After all, isn't that who God created me to be?

Leaving Behind and Carrying Forward

So, here we are on the last day of 2009. New Year's Eve has never been a big thing for me; it's just another night as far as I'm concerned. Tonight, Gerry and I will likely enjoy sitting in the hot tub, perhaps looking at the skies with his new telescope, and I'm sure we'll be fast asleep before the clock strikes twelve.

The message that our pastor gave last Sunday was about things we should leave behind as we move into the new year, and other things we should carry forward. This morning, in a less spiritual vein, I was thinking of some personal things I would like to leave behind as we enter 2010 tomorrow.

• high cholesterol
• about "nn" extra pounds
• sore feet (sorry Val!)
• hot flashes
• insomnia

As I look over this list I realize that it's the list of an old woman - a grandmother even! And I realize that it IS the list of a grandmother, and that is the greatest blessing of 2009!

I'll take these things as we move into the new year and I'll try to improve what I can and embrace what I can't.  I'll do my best to carry foward:

• healthy eating habits
• commitment to exercise in a way that suits me
• flat shoes
• refreshing sleep
• my memoir
• new writing goals

And most of all, I'll carry forward being the best wife, mother, grandmother, sister, and friend that I can be.

And I'll close this year with yet another picture of my beautiful granddaughter!

Have a Happy New Year all!

Inspiration

I received a blog award from Anita over at Rollercoaster Days. Thank you Anita!

Speaking of inspiration, check out Kathleen's post about saying "no". It inspired me to look at the things that I am spending my time on.

This week, I have found inspiration and encouragement in the eyes of my grandson, in my prayer group, and in my blogging friends. If we open our eyes, we can find inspiration all around. The challenge, for me anyway, is to slow down long enough to pay attention to that which inspires.

Where do you find inspiration these days?