What Keeps You Up At Night?

A few years ago there was a phrase bandied about that asked “what keeps you up at night?” It was a way of asking what you were passionate about, what consumed your thoughts, what problems you wanted to solve.

I’ve been thinking about that phrase in the wee hours of the morning lately as I lay in bed listening to my husband and my dogs sleep. (It’s true, you can hear someone sleep.) Here are just a few things that are keeping me up at night lately.

• Would it be possible for me to live without central air conditioning if we move to the little house on the prairie that we are looking at? (This is a big one right now.)

• Who released a song called “Things That Make You Go Hmmm?” and why am I thinking about it?

• Why do I talk in my sleep so often?

• Why do I occasionally wake myself up by screaming?

• Why am I having hot flashes so often? Oh yes, because I decided to stop the medication that was keeping them at bay. Can you say high-deductible healthcare plan?

• How can I embrace the slow food movement when I don’t have enough hours in the day to accomplish everything I want to already?

• Where is that farm that sells the organic chickens and produce that I read about last weekend?

• Should I just get up and do something?

So tell me, what keeps you up and night? And while you’re thinking about the answer to that question, do you have answers to any of mine?

Mornings...and a request

I must confess that I do some of my best work between 3:00am and 6:00am.  Honestly, those quiet hours when I'm laying awake in bed often provide inspiration and ideas for projects I'm working on at work and at home. Mind you, those sleepless hours can often provide much frustration as I've written about previously!

Better still is the time I spend in the shower in the morning. Now, I don't want you to get a visual here (heaven forbid!) but the truth is that my mind works best first thing in the morning, and my first activity of the day is a shower. There is just something about that hot water and the movements I make by rote that puts me into right-brain mode.

This morning my mind is on some things going on at work and so the original inspiration I had hoped to come up with for this morning's post didn't happen. So, my good blogging friend Becky Lane who will be a panelist on the Finding Our Voices Online panel at February's Stories From the Heart V conference has allowed me to borrow one of her ideas.

We are doing some pre-work and trying to learn who is reading our blogs and why they keep reading.  So would you please leave a comment and let me know who you are (names aren't necessary, you can leave an anomymous comment if you would like).  Let me know your gender, age bracket, and any other demographic information you would feel comfortable including.  Then, and here's the good stuff, let me know why you keep coming back to My Own Velvet Room. 

To thank everyone who leaves a comment, on December 15 I will do a drawing for your choice of a book that has been reviewed recently on the Story Circle Book Review site!  Why December 15?  Because I may have more blog-related questions over the next week or so and I want to include everyone who answers all of my inquiring-minds-want-to-know questions.

So that's it!  Happy Wednesday, and let the comments begin!

Surrender

In the wee hours of this morning I came to the conclusion that it's time to surrender. All of the griping and complaining isn't going to change the fact that I can't remember the last time that I slept through the night. I'm going to "own" the fact that I don't sleep well and turn it into something positive.
Once upon a time I used to do housework in the middle of the night. I'm not quite that crazy these days, but I'm thinking that I can put the time to better use than I have been. Laying in bed, listening to the steady breathing of a husband and two dogs is just irritating.
I can use the extra time to catch up on correspondence so don't be surprised if you receive an email from me that has been composed in the wee hours.
I can make a dent in my list of books that I want to read because really, at this rate, I'll never live long enough to read every book that's on the list right now, not to mention those that are added almost daily.
I can work on my memoir. Some of the best ideas seem to come to me in the middle of the night.
I can get a head start on meal planning for the next few days. Now that's a task that I always have the best intentions about, but limited follow-through.
The more I think about it, the more I think that this might turn into something wonderful. Never mind the fact, that I'll be walking around like a zombie due to lack of sleep. At least my email box will be under control, I'll be well read, my memoir will be finished, and we'll have healthy dinners every night. And if I fall asleep with my head in my plate, well so be it.

Fickle Friend

Have I done something wrong? I don't understand why you seem to have deserted me. I know you're still around because I hear stories of you meeting with others I know.

Over the years our relationship has been fairly consistent. Oh sure, there were the occasional times when I was a young college girl when I stood you up, but you seemed to understand and we were able to pick up just where we left off.

I introduced my children to you when they were babies, in fact I couldn't wait for them to develop a relationship with you!

Now you tease me into believing that you are going to show up. Sometimes you even stay for a few hours, but never for as long as I wish for. This on-again off-again state of our relationship is becoming more difficult for me to deal with. You hold all the power, you know I can't live without you.

Sometime I seek solace in others who hold promise of the same relationship that I have with you. They may help fill the void for a while, but I never stop longing for the real thing that I once enjoyed with you. Lunesta and Ambien are just short term comfort as I wait for you to come back.

Sleep, my fickle friend, please come home.

Wake Up Call

There is something so sweet about waking up naturally after a night of good sleep.
This morning I felt myself waking up, returning to consciousness, slowly. Gerry still slept beside me and his regular breathing was like the sound of peace. The dogs still slept beside me, their little bodies warm next to me. The window was open and fresh, cool morning air filled the bedroom. I opened my eyes and took in the peaceful sight of my room filled with sleeping bodies.
For a while I lay there daydreaming and imagining how wonderful it would be to wake up this way every morning.

Blessed sleep

I wake gradually, not wanting to let go of the last moment of sleep. I sense, even before my eyes open, that it is not 1am or 3am when I usually spend some time thrashing about as I try to get back to sleep. My husband still sleeps and the sound of his regular breathing comforts me. Maya and Chelsea have begun to stir, but I don't let them know that I am awake just yet. I sneak a glance at the clock. It is after 6am. I have slept through the night for the first time in many weeks.

I snuggle back under the covers trying to hold on to the moment. My mind wanders to my work in progress, and suddenly I am inspired with new ideas and direction in which to take it.

Yesterday I was barely functional. Like a battery run down to it's last bits of energy I went through he motions slowly. The fogginess in my brain and weariness in my body from lack of sleep a recipe for disaster.

The Ambien I took last night enabled me to rest well. I will be stronger today. I will be healthier today.

I rise now, looking forward to what lies ahead today, struggling against the temptation to take on too much.

Sleep

It is sometimes elusive, but oh so necessary. I am learning to appreciate the blessing of sleep. I've been missing out on some good strong REM time recently, a by-product of being fifty. Unfortunately, I've discovered many things that happen when a woman of my age doesn't sleep.

First and foremost, it can be dangerous to look in the mirror first thing in the morning. I have scared myself almost to the point of heart palpitations recently. It's really not a pretty sight. Puffy eyes, saggy skin....need I go on?!

I was reminded of a post that read on the YOG last year by Kathryn, who is one of the bravest women I know!. Check it out and you'll see what I mean.

The old fifty year old brain doesn't seem to fire on all cylinders when I'm tired either. In my younger days I could fake it somewhat, but that seems to get harder as the year go by as well. I'm also crabby, melancholy and carb craving. A recipe for disaster, to be sure.

For the past couple of nights I've managed to get some good sleep. This morning, I noticed that the woman in the mirror looks remarkably better, and I'm optimistic that my mood will be improved today as well.

That's it. Decision made. No more late nights for this girl. It's best for everyone if I get my REM time.