I was adopted when I was five months of age. I think that those of us who have been adopted share a certain kinship, in that only we can understand what has been called a Primal Wound.
I also believe that the classic closed adoption system that I was a part has more than a few flaws. Imagine if it were against the law for you to look at your very own birth certificate. Imagine if you had no right to have any information about your medical background. Imagine if you didn't know what name you had been given when you were born.
I've been blessed in my life. I was adopted by parents who loved and cared for me. Never for a moment in my life have I doubted the love that they had for me. Sadly I lost both of them much to early.
Over the years, thanks to the post-adoption services in Saskatchewan, Canada I have been able to contact my birth-family on both my maternal and paternal sides and I actually have knowledge about my family tree dating back to the 1600's! I've met family, people who are blood-related to me, and that's a huge thing for an adoptee to experience. This little lonely girl has grown up to be a woman who has four sisters and four brothers!
I am working on a memoir about my adoption experience. This work has taken me into many deep places and I continue to learn, grow, and even heal as I write. The birth of my beautiful granddaughter surfaced some questions for me about the first few months of my life before my name was changed and I became Linda Gail Brauer.
"I like to think that someone missed me. It bothers me to think that I may have spent the first five months of my life in the care of someone who didn't shed a tear when I was taken away."
In just a few days, thanks to new processes in post-adoption services, I am going to receive a copy of my adoption file. I'm going to learn the story of those first few months of my life. I'm excited and nervous at the same time. What mysteries will this fifty year old file finally clear up for me?