Manderley - Part 4

As we drive away from the small town after talking with the Realtor, my tears began to fall.  Gerry and I have spent countless hours over the past number of months talking about Manderley.  We came prepared - there is a check tucked inside of Gerry's wallet meant to accompany the offer to purchase, but despite our love of this land there remains one stumbling block that prevents us from writing the offer on this afternoon.

Though we are not shutting the door on Manderley completely, I grieve for the momentary loss and for the Linda who surfaced on the land.  We will spend a few days with our children and grandchildren before heading home.  As we travel across the prairie Gerry notices that we are both looking at every farm house we pass and comments on it.  We smile at each other.  We are both grieving in our own way.

The quest will continue and those discussions will come in time, but just now I sit quietly in the passenger seat of our Ford Escape and drink in the prairie with my eyes.  In the distance, if I look hard enough and wish strongly enough, I can catch a glimpse of Linda standing in the middle of a wheat field.  She feels no stress, her body carries no pain, and she is content.

~~~

We arrive home after a long and tiring day on the road; and this morning I wake to the familiar pain in my neck and shoulder.  I throw open the bedroom window and hear birds, reminiscent of that morning at Manderley, yet a weak comparison to the prairie choir that sang for us near the marsh.  A plane flying overhead and the distant drone of Sunday at the race track assaults the morning quiet.

Last night I dreamed I was at Manderley again; tomorrow I will head back to my office.  Today, I wonder what lies ahead.

4 comments:

Susan said...

I sense that you have not closed this door and stamped it forever. I'll be praying too that God brings you peace and finds for you the place of your heart. Hang on to that Linda of this week--she'll find her way, I'm sure of it.

Hugs, Susan

Jeremiah 29:11--For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Terri Tiffany said...

Oh Linda, sometimes doors are shut for a reason and God has a much better plan but needed to get you totally onboard.I hope your heart is soon filled with the place that brings that linda back again!

Linda said...

Susan and Terri - thank you for your prayers and the special reminder that God has the best plan in mind.

Hill Country Hippie said...

Sometimes we are so focussed on what we think we want or need, we miss the signals that are being tossed in our direction. Seasonality didn't even resemble the house of my dreams. I just wanted a piece of land, so we could build this wondrous "green" house like the ones in all the magazines. Instead we stumbled upon this oddball thing that no one else wanted and had been sitting empty for several years. It wasn't until we were back in Houston that I stumbled across my original "wish list" - and realized this strange little house had every single thing on the list. Keep your heart and mind open. The path will appear.