Missing Manderley


Perhaps you remember my Manderley dreams from earlier this year.

We first went to Manderley in the spring.  It was mid-March when I stood on the snow-covered land and breathed in the peace of the place that fed a hunger within me that I didn't know I had.

Six weeks later we were there and discovered that spring had come to the farm. I shared othe story in four posts (Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, and Part 4)

I even shared some video of the land with you.

It's been five months since that last trip to Manderley; since we came to the decision not to purchase the land, but I have not been able to put Manderley out of my mind.

I saved the link to the real estate listing in my favorites, I even memorized the MLS listing number, and every once in a while when I feel the need for a break I call it up. I remember the peace; I remember who I was when I was there.

Sometimes, unexpectedly, Gerry or I will say "imagine if we were at Manderley right now" or "remember what we were going to do at Manderley". We haven't forgotten our Manderley dream.

A few days ago I felt the need for a bit of Manderley and I clicked on the link I had saved. Like so many times in the past I expected to see the picture of the farm yard come up in my browser; instead I found myself looking at the real estate page but the listing for Manderley had been removed. My heart must have stopped for a moment as I considered what this meant.

Had someone else purchased it? Had the owner taken it off of the market? I did some Google searches; perhaps it had been relisted with another real estate company. All of my searching turned up nothing; I found myself feeling empty.

I'm not sure what to make of this longing, even grief, that I have felt since then. Manderley was, and is, more than just a piece of land to me.  It represents hope, my future, my past, a simpler way of life, and it conjured up the woman I might have been, might still become one day.

I liked the "me" I was when I was there. I hope I find that woman again.

4 comments:

Hill Country Hippie said...

I hope you find her too - and just the right place for her to settle!

Terri Tiffany said...

Linda,
I believe that God will give you a new Manderly when the time is right for you:) We have to believe that--I do anyways, cause I know I'm not where I want to be now, and that stirring for someplace else still lives in me.

Linda Hoye said...

Becky, I'm sure I will find the right place and I have a hunch it will be very close to the grandchildren!

Terri, I trust that God will give both of us our own Manderley. {{hugs}}

Sassy Granny ... said...

Methinks it is eternity that dwells in your heart. There is a better place, a better day, and even a simpler place. We're headed there, sister; we're headed there!

Blessings,
Kathleen

P.S. Between now and then, I trust He will root you in a precious place, and in a precious way.