Ghosts

There have been ghosts all around me today.

I am in a city where I used to live, where I lived for a very long time as a matter of fact, and took some time this afternoon to visit some once-familiar places. I walked, I drove, I remembered, conjured ghosts of days gone by, the kind of thing I have enjoyed doing in the past.

It was different this time.

I was overcome with a powerful sense of grief; the kind of grief that I remember from many years ago, the kind that hurts physically as well as emotionally. And lonliness.

I can't say what prompted these emotions. I am the kind of person who has always cherished solitude, sought it out even, so I was taken aback by the overwhelming emotion that came over me for no apparent reason. I pushed through it as I have done many times in the past.

Later, I worked for a number of hours on my memoir. I went back in time to the 1970's and found ghosts there as well. I learned that in my writing I tend to gloss over periods of deep emotion and the 70's were, most definitely for me, filled with periods of deep emotion.

So now, at the end of the day, having coped with these ghosts all day, I am exhausted. I pray that I sleep deep and dreamless and that the ghosts have moved on by morning.

5 comments:

Laurinda said...

I can totally feel your...emotion/feeling/the sensation...especially IN that PLACE...
Another chapter of growth,discovery, understanding and learning...
I hope you enjoyed the long walk afterwards and are taking a nice HOT bath before GETTING some well deserved sleep!! xox

Nancy said...

I've been feeling the ghosts of past decades as well lately.

Linda Hoye said...

Laurinda, no not bath and, unfortunately, not much sleep either! Though what I did have was sweet!

Nancy, thank you for stopping by. I hope your ghosts bring a new chapter of understanding and peace to you as well.

Deb Shucka said...

For those of us writing memoir, ghosts seem to be an occupational hazard. It's my experience, too, that autumn seems to call them to the surface. I hope you can hear what they're trying to say and able to enjoy your solitude.

Kathy Waller said...

I think deep emotion, past and future ghosts, are the most difficult to write about. For me, putting it in words makes it true. I hope the ghosts are settled now.