Leaving Behind and Carrying Forward

So, here we are on the last day of 2009. New Year's Eve has never been a big thing for me; it's just another night as far as I'm concerned. Tonight, Gerry and I will likely enjoy sitting in the hot tub, perhaps looking at the skies with his new telescope, and I'm sure we'll be fast asleep before the clock strikes twelve.

The message that our pastor gave last Sunday was about things we should leave behind as we move into the new year, and other things we should carry forward. This morning, in a less spiritual vein, I was thinking of some personal things I would like to leave behind as we enter 2010 tomorrow.

• high cholesterol
• about "nn" extra pounds
• sore feet (sorry Val!)
• hot flashes
• insomnia

As I look over this list I realize that it's the list of an old woman - a grandmother even! And I realize that it IS the list of a grandmother, and that is the greatest blessing of 2009!

I'll take these things as we move into the new year and I'll try to improve what I can and embrace what I can't.  I'll do my best to carry foward:

• healthy eating habits
• commitment to exercise in a way that suits me
• flat shoes
• refreshing sleep
• my memoir
• new writing goals

And most of all, I'll carry forward being the best wife, mother, grandmother, sister, and friend that I can be.

And I'll close this year with yet another picture of my beautiful granddaughter!

Have a Happy New Year all!

An Empty Inbox

I have recently realized how much serenity there is to be found in an empty email inbox.  It's not uncommon for my inbox at work to contain a hundred or more unread messages during busy times.  As of this moment, my main personal email account has twenty-nine unread messages and there are ten more in other secondary email accounts I keep.

Sometimes, I must confess, I only have time to deal with those that are nearest the top.  I have my email sorted in order of receipt, with the most recently received ones at the top. It's quite possible for some messages to get buried as the unread messages pile up. There is a direct correlation to how many unread email messages I have and my stress level.

A few weeks ago I managed to get all of my inboxes to the point where all messages fit on one page, and the only ones that were saved were ones that I needed to do something with immediately.  What a sense of being in control I felt!  Each morning when I logged on, I was able to deal with new items as they came in, I felt relaxed and able to cope with anything.

Alas, the serenity was fleeting and I am once again at the point of being in email jail.  What was life like before the terms email and inbox controlled our life?  I'm guessing it was less stressful.

Goals

It is almost exactly one year ago that I took the time to write down six goals that I had. I pulled those goals out this morning to check on my progress and was pleased to find that I could check the first four as "done" or "in progress".

Alas, the last two will move forward onto the next list that I make. In fact, I suspect that the last one will be on every list I ever make. That elusive goal? Relax!

I am just one of those people who struggles with stress and finding that perfect balance between doing and being, between worrying and letting go, between being mellow and being a stark-raving crazy woman. At least I recognize it and that's the first step in changing it, right?

I have a suspicion that a couple of items on my five year plan will go a long way toward helping me with the relaxation goal, but it's something I still need to be mindful of in the here and now. So, as I ponder my list of goals for next year, relaxation and stress management will be at the top instead of the bottom.

What goals have you been able to cross off of your list recently?

What Matters

I spent two days in the hospital unexpectedly last week. There is nothing like two days of poking, prodding, not sleeping, not eating, and other unmentionable things to make one appreciate the finer things in life.

I took a walk at lunch time today. (What?! I can hear you exclaim! You never take lunch breaks!) There are beautiful trails in and amongst the woods where my office is that I never even knew existed before today!

As I prepared dinner tonight I consciously made myself slow down and appreciate each moment. (It's true, making dinner can actually be a restful and fulfilling activity.) As I peeled the squash and scooped out the seeds, I smelled childhood. It wasn't my own childhood, but the childhood I experienced through the lives of my children. I was reminded of countless pumpkins we had cleaned and carved over the years. Special, simple, memories.

Perhaps best of all, I talked to Makiya on the phone. I babbled away to her and she babbled right back. We talked about important stuff....grandma stuff.

I am being constantly reminded lately that it is these things that matter most, and if I don't slow down and take the time to see them, they will be gone in an instant.

What simple things are you appreciating today?

Life In The Fast Lane

I sit down to read a magazine and can't focus on a single article at a time. I scan the letters to the editor and then leaf through the rest of the pages. There was a time that a magazine could last me for days; now it last only a few minutes.


I sit down to paint my toenails. It's a chore. I can't see properly and so I make a mess; I regret the time I have to sit still until the polish dries. Once upon a time it was a treat to choose a color and pamper myself once a week. No longer.

I rush upstairs and downstairs putting my home in order. Hurry, hurry, hurry, but I can't tell you why. I don't take the time to enjoy my home, instead I rush through every task that I once enjoyed and found fulfillment in.

It's Sunday evening and so I'm thinking about the work week that's going to hit head on tomorrow morning. There is so much to do and really not enough time to do it well. I know that unless something changes I'll continue to rush to get things done and not take the time I need. The time I need for myself.

I'm longing for a little house on the prairie in a little town of less than a hundred people. I want to can tomatoes, bake bread, make cookies and make quilts. I'm thinking about a dozen Mason jars sitting on a dish towel on the counter waiting for their lids to pop. Precious red jewels that will be put away for the winter.

It's time to get out of the fast lane and appreciate the journey.

A Good Cry

I've been a bit overwhelmed lately. There is a lot going on a work and in life in general. To top it all of I don't think I got more than three hours of sleep last night.

I received an email from my husband this afternoon hinting (okay, hinting is not a strong enough word!) that I come home early, really what he meant was to come home on time.

His ploy worked, and I packed up some work to bring home and left the office when it was still daylight. Had a nice dinner, watched the news, played with the dogs, all that and it's not even 7:00 pm yet!

Before all that happened, though, I had a good cry when I got home. Sometimes I find that when life just gets away from me and I can't keep it together anymore, shedding a few tears releases some of that stress and makes me feel better. Just feeling my husband's arm's around me while I shed a few tears releases a lot of tension.

We're going to go for a hot tub now, then I think I'll crawl into bed with a good book. It will all look better tomorrow.