Losing It

In my memoir, I am writing about a time in my life when I came close to losing it. What in the world does that mean, anyway? Losing it.

For those of us who have lived some or all of our lives as one of the hyper-diligent, the concept of losing control of anything is incomprehensible. As impossible as I knew it would be to do, the thought of letting go of feeling responsible for everything was oh-so-alluring for a season.

Sometimes, these many years past, on a hot, sultry summer night, I remember those nights when my family slept but I wandered the halls, scrubbed the floor, or sat on the patio, and considered what it might feel like to lose my mind.

I wondered how it was done. Did one just decide to let go of all manner of decorum? What would others think?

I was tired of keeping my finger in the dyke; I was so tempted to pull it out and let the flood come.

It was another lifetime. I was another person.


Susan Ideus said...

Wow, Linda, this sounds like a great lead-in to a story that you should write--one I'd like to read. As a trying-to-recover control freak, I can relate.

Hill Country Hippie said...

I second what Susan said!

Karen said...

Okay, I want to read that book! Yes, I think we all can relate to that a bit or a lot.

Pat's Place said...

Oh my! I have also felt that way--with my fingers in all the holes trying to keep things afloat. I have always been too much in control and it might be fun to just let go sometime!

Deb said...

sometimes I feel like a dog chasing his tail....

Linda Hoye said...

Sid - it's comforting to know I'm not the only one who has control "issues"!
Becky - which part? Reading the story or the control freak part?! :-)
Karen - And some days more than others, if your anything like me!
Pat - I loved the summer photographs on your blog! Bet you're itching to get back into your home.
Deb - boy do I know that feeling!