Chronic Pain

Searing, aching, dull, sharp, intense, acute, chronic, sore, white-hot. Here, there, everywhere.

You know all of the words; you have claimed them all for yourself at one time or another. Over the years you learned how to manage it. The best way out is through. And so you put one foot in front of the other day after day and did what you needed to do.

The treatment was often worse than the problem and so you shunned traditional medical treatment, unwilling to walk through your days in a medicated fog, willing to endure rather than dull your mind. It took the medical world almost ten years to diagnose you with what you already knew you had. The diagnosis gave a name to it but couldn't fix it.

Then came periods of relief; sometimes years went by and you stopped identifying the condition as your own. Then, out of the blue, a surprise of another kind, just as relentless and wearing showed up. You accepted treatment eventually and it was okay.

Now you are angry at this new manifestation. At first you were unsure as to the source, the pain receptors in your body did not always point to the source of the problem. In the wee hours of the morning when the house was quiet you lay awake and considered the source. It could be this, does it seem like this? What about that? Then it came to you.

Now you know what it is and your first reaction is anger. Your husband is frustrated at your unwillingness to immediately seek out medical attention, he wants to be able to help. You are frustrated because you don't want to open another Pandora's box. You have learned to trust your instinct and you know what this is.

For now that is enough.

11 comments:

Deb said...

trust your instinct...you know your body better than anyone else...if more Dr.'s actually listened to their patients...so much time and pain could be saved...

Star said...

Yes, I understand. I get migraine headaches. They are awfully debilitating and influence the way I have to live my life (sadly). They control my social life and my confidence in facing cameras. They are my enemy always lurking in the shadows.
My other gripe is mosquito bites. Why do I get such a terrible reaction to them when other people don't even know they've been bitten.
You don't give your pain a name. Perhaps it is better to let it remain nameless. Shut it in a dark cupboard and lock the door. That's my best advice.
Yours and mine both!
Blessings, Star

Angie Ledbetter said...

Yes, trust your gut and consult pros when you have an inkling of a doubt.

Prayers for good health and breezy days. Hugs too.

Terri Tiffany said...

I haven't been over here in awhile and wanted to say hello to see how you are. Are you ok? I couldn't quite tell from the post:)

Karen said...

If you're hurting, your body is signaling something is wrong. After seeing what's going on, you can decide what treatment you want. But I hope this is not serious. Let me know, I will be in prayer. ((Hugs))

Linda Hoye said...

Deb - It's too bad it takes so long for us to realize that we can trust our own instinct!
Star - I'm sorry for your malady. You and I together will face our enemy and prevail!
Angie - {{hugs}}!!
Terri - Hi!! Great to see you!! Yes I'm okay, kind of grumpy this morning as you can tell!
Karen - Prayers are always appreciated. It's not serious in the manner of life-threating. {{hugs}}

Melissa Simpson said...

Wow...those words could have come out of my mouth. Sounds like we have something in common, though I wish it was something nicer!

Linda Hoye said...

Melissa, the interesting thing is I didn't know it about you, and I bet you didn't know it about me. Sounds like we have both been putting one foot in front of the other and doing what needs to be done.

Susan Ideus said...

Linda,
I empathize totally. Interesting that I read this today, since I'm having a day like you describe. Mostly I've felt better since moving but this is not always predictable. Sending you gentle hugs and hopes for feeling better.

Kathryn Magendie said...

I have chronic pain - and it took so long to finally own up that I can't do everything I want - or if I DO what I want (like run), I'm going to "pay for it" - and i have to decide that "paying for it" is worth it.

I took a long time for me to finally say, "This will never go away . . . so I must find ways to deal with it. . . for the rest of my life..."

Once I did that, once I found My New Normal - I could let go of the anger - although, sometimes I do become frustrated, the deep anger and resentment and ARRGHHH! of it all eased.

*hug*

Linda Hoye said...

Sid - Gentle {{hugs}} to you, my friend.
Kat - One of the hardest things is accepting limitations sometimes. I like your term - New Normal - that's what I need to learn to embrace too.